App coming soon for all you Apple nazis and Android commies, the game all the family will enjoy for those endless rainy, grey, seaside days stuck in some shitty boutique bread ‘n’ breakfast prison. See if you can make it worse by trudging through the sleet to a shopping street where all the shops are closed, (except one called ‘Shop’, oh how meta).
And you will hardly notice the price of the app compared to the amount you are hemorrhaging on tat and vile nosh.
Quick. This offer will not last, reserve your copy now. Leave £30 in cash in a brown envelope at Hastings Massage and Cigarette Hotgak Therapy Centre. Ask for Ivanette, and leave it with him.